Rocks Solve Everything
by The Crimson Wing
Summary: Kratos couldn't understand his lover's need for 'tranquilizers'. [Crossover God of War and Splinter Cell, KratosxSam]


**AN**- Oh dear. Oh my. This is the most cannon pairing EVER! Erm, this was written for Lunamaru and Ryuiki because, you know, Unkie Sam and Kratos.

**Warnings**- Kratos being horny and randomness. Sexual...stuff.

**Disclaimer**- Kratos (God of War) and Sam Fisher (Splinter Cell) do not belong to me. Bugger...

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**Rocks Solve Everything**

If there was one thing that Kratos couldn't comprehend about his lover, besides all of the doodads and gadgets he tried to force the Spartan to use, it was his need of this thing called 'tranquilizers' which the only use was to knock people out with. Of course, after a long, hard, rousing bout of sex which left the male below him flushed, spent, and utterly sexable some more, Kratos and his aching lower head couldn't care less. Still, after Sam had fallen asleep the Spartan god would take some time to ponder this.

When Sam spoke of this 'tranquilizer' he often complained about the cost. Kratos couldn't understand why but he always glared when the god suggested just killing everyone and taking the damn thing. Not only cost popped up either but efficiency and the hazard of carrying them…

Finally after hearing the complaint for the second time in only a year, Kratos told him the obvious solution.

Rocks.

"Rocks?" Sam asked, a brow arching upwards. This small gesture had Kratos horny-for the seventeenth time in two hours. But he refrained. "What the hell are you on about?"

Kratos let out a long sigh, the tent in his kilt becoming rather uncomfortable and obvious when he stood up from the position on the bed. They were taking refuge in a ship that had mysteriously-become-vacant-after-Kratos-went-in-and-came-out-bloody and it took a moment for his sea legs to kick in. A moment too long apparently as he'd fallen on Sam seconds later.

Neither seemed to mind much though. The spy only let out a heavy sigh as if used to this and Kratos- hell, why would he mind being on top of HIS man? Well, besides the fact that it made his erection even worse, but hey it was still his. They sat like that for a moment before Kratos remembered just what he'd been saying.

"Ah, right. See, rocks are a lot more useful. They have a lot more uses. Like you can kill people OR knock them unconscious. You can find them anywhere and…" He stared at the male below him and twitched. "I want sex."

"Finish your sentence," Sam sighed. Not that he minded the idea much but if Kratos didn't say it NOW it would never happen again.

Kratos wasn't stupid. As a matter of fact he was rather intelligent, just hotheaded, male, and horny. Not a good combination. But he swallowed this and continued on with only a slightly trouble. "You're not in danger of injuring yourself while carrying them."

Below the ivory and crimson god, Sam sighed. "Unless you drop them on yourself because they're too heavy."

The words 'too heavy' made Kratos frown as if they were a foreign language. And really, since the only thing allowing him to understand Sam was the technology in his ear, it sort of was. But he understood perfectly fine, the machine had not malfunctioned and he was even picking up on some of this 'English'. It was just…

"But you're my lover," Kratos said slowly, "nothing should be too heavy for you."

Oh the naiveté of his Spartan lover… Sam chuckled and shook his head. "I'm not a god Kratos. I'm human."

Both eyebrows of Kratos shot up. "Then how do you keep getting back and forth, hmm?"

Another chuckle. Aww, he thought he had a point. "You keep using magic portals to drag me back and forth."

Kratos swore under his breath but got a wicked smirk instead of growing angry and leaned down, capturing Sam's mouth in a heated kiss that effectively ended that conversation. The male below made a low groaning noise of amusement but returned the kiss none-to-softly. Ah, things often led to this. Not that he was complaining, after all they were both men and had those same damn urges…

The Spartan growled and forced open Sam's mouth with his tongue, invading the warm orifice presented to him and sliding pale hands down the arms of the Splinter Cell. The convenient falling at the lack of sea legs had caused him to straddle the other male and now he shifted, settling one knee between the other male's legs and nudging upwards ever so slightly towards the groin resting there. Sam let out a noise, caught between a cry and a groan, and arched upwards, just brushing the kilted erection of the other and earning a shudder.

Hot lips collided again, glazed eyes locking. Kratos caught Sam's right hand with his left as the right hand of the lower trailed down the bare chest, caressing the jumping muscles and swirling the navel. Rough fingertips trailed over the top of the kilt, sliding in ever so slightly to brush over more bare skin, earning a grunt of acceptance from the pale male. The hand of the god that wasn't occupied began to work on the shirt of the Splinter Cell, popping open troublesome buttons with ease (actually ripping them off was more like it…) before his hand paused, lips releasing Sam's to emit a sigh, eyes fluttering closed.

Sam grinned, brushed his fingertips over the head of his lover again to earn another sigh. Kratos's muscles spasmed all at once and he was half sitting upwards to rip off Sam's shirt when…

"GWAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!"

Kratos whipped around, flaming blades instantly in hand from god knows where. A minotaur stood there, roaring and making all sorts of infuriating noises. Infuriating because Kratos was in the middle of GETTING SOME DAMNIT!

With a very displeased snarl Kratos lunged, digging both blades into the chest of the massive beast. When it didn't go down immediately he was hurled off, blades still embedded, to sprawl at the side of the bed. He looked around hastily for something else and got a sly grin, reaching over…

The bedside table made entirely of rock came smashing over the minotaur's head, brain and head and other pieces splattering over the cabin wall behind it. None on Kratos of course, or the bed behind him. He removed his blades and turned around to smirk at Sam, the flaming pieces disappearing to the great beyond or wherever the hell they went.

"See, rocks solve everything," he growled in a very feral manner before pouncing.

**-Owari-**


End file.
